Snow Queen’s Cabin

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It’s interesting how no matter how alone I am , I am not.
Here it is another year goes by and I am single , no boyfriend or a lover or anyone I even in interested in. Had one of those but he is really not that into me so why keep hanging around for squibbles of attention and basic sex?
And sometimes it sucks and sometimes I accept that is what is in the cards for me so to speak.
Today was an example of its ok . Life is good . It is what it is.
I found my missing mitten I dropped on my way to go skiing at 2pm and yes one can get plenty of runs in in 2 hrs When U Have A Pass.
It doesn’t matter . It was beautiful w no wind , powdery snow and sunsetting colored skies as I skied alone naturally . After popped my head in to ski resort bar to see the football scores and so no one to have a beer w I knew or wanted to know and dropped into Very Nice brewery in town to have a beer w my old fellow ski instructors then came home , made a fire reheated soup and veggies on stovetop , figured out how to watch PBS on my Ipad . duh . And now writing . Then luscious quiet sleep . Naughty dreams perhaps.
Sounds lonely , yes but not awful. Did not do my dishes, nor explain anything why to someone and can leave the light on as long as i like.
Starting to like in a way being really alone , either that or have giving up or I just don’t care to waste time figuring out how to meet someone or ….its just too scary to think I might actually end up alone ..in the end.
We all know we come into this world pretty alone , sure we push u out , cut the cord but it was just u coming out . Then when we die ,its pretty much jus u dying , no one can really be there exactly w u and u sometimes don’ t the option of someone u know during those last dying breaths . I never got to be w my parents when they died and not sure if it would have made a difference. U cant stop death .
So why are we so afraid of being alone?
I am working on that one right now .
Not a fear , more like is it me who is choosing to be alone or is there really nobody out there in this billions of people I would like to be with? Nor anyone w me ?

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